


Maybe This Year

by fuckinglouist



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Snow, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 06:29:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/732489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinglouist/pseuds/fuckinglouist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wasn’t very excited for Christmas, even though the lads did their best to cheer him up. It just wasn’t the same without <i>him</i>. But maybe this year things were going to be different.</p>
<p>
  <a href="http://fuckinglouist.tumblr.com/post/37947790349">EXTRAS</a>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe This Year

Harry woke up early. It was a cold winter morning, and his toes were freezing. Actually, it was December 4th, but it didn’t really matter. Christmas wasn’t really a big thing anymore. He used to be excited, decorate his flat, and run around humming Christmas carols to everyone who would listen, but lately he hadn’t cared much. Or at least he’d tried not to care.

Most of the time he managed to not think too much about it, and actually enjoy his life and what he had, but at Christmas it was much harder. The holiday reminded him too much of Louis. Everything Christmas was Louis. To make matters worse, Christmas Eve was Louis’ birthday, and they’d spent Christmas together for years. It was their favourite holiday, it had been something special.

But not anymore.

“Might as well get up, now I’m awake,” Harry rubbed his eyes and yawned. He really didn’t want to wallow in old memories. Everything Louis-related was stored away in a little box in the dark corners of Harry’s brain, with a sign that said DON’T.

Harry went to the kitchen, and poured Christmas Crunch into a bowl. Niall had brought the cereal the other day, thinking it might cheer Harry up. He, Liam and Zayn knew this time was hard for Harry, and they just wanted to lighten his mood. He was thankful, and a small smile found its way onto his lips at the thought. They were his friends, and he knew they would always be there for him.

He ate at the counter, and looked out the window. Snow was falling in thick puffy flakes, covering the city in a white feathery blanket. It was quite beautiful. Harry liked the snow. It made everything prettier, slower, more quiet. Maybe even made it seem like things were going to be okay.

 

* * * * 

 

Louis had left two years ago. He wanted to go to Los Angeles, and pursue his dream of becoming an actor. He had left a note on the kitchen table, and Harry had been heartbroken. For a very long time. They’d been together since they were teens, and they’d basically grown up together. They’d spent every moment together, they lived together and had the same friends. But Louis had left, he’d left everything behind, including Harry. He’d written in a note that it was something he just had to do, and that he was going to regret it if he didn’t at least try to achieve his dream.

Harry understood, he really did. He had dreams too, and he really got what Louis meant. Harry had always wanted to be a musician, but he was never brave enough to risk everything, and just do it. Not like Louis. The small part of Harry that wasn’t completely devastated, admired Louis’ courage. He had packed up and left everything he knew, gone to a complete foreign country all by himself, to live his dream. Harry couldn’t help but admire the effort.

Later Liam and Zayn came over. Harry was watching a movie, something silly and not very christmas-y. Liam wanted to make Harry lunch, and Zayn suggested they went for a walk. “Guys, it’s not like I’m dying,” Liam rolled his eyes, and shrugged. “I know, you knob. I just think you could use some fresh air,” Zayn said and smacked the back of Harry’s head. Eventually Harry agreed, and they put on coats, scarves and gloves, and went for a walk. 

They took a stroll through the park, and it was ridiculously cold, but very pretty. The snow was glistening, and children were running around, making snowmen and snow angels. Then a snowball hit him on the back of his head. Liam and Harry turned around to see Zayn, face splitting into a huge grin, while he picked up another snow ball. Harry picked up some snow, and didn’t bother making a proper snow ball, but just tossed it at Zayn’s face. Liam got into the fight as well, and soon they were all lying on the ground, with aching stomachs from laughter.

After the fight, they walked into a tiny coffee shop, where Niall was meeting them. Their cheeks were red and their fingers cold, but all smiling none the less. Liam smiled at the pretty brunette at the counter, and ordered four Christmas Special Teas with peppermint.

“It’s time to get a bit of that Christmas spirit back mate. It’s been way too long,” Niall chirped when he saw the cups. He was always in a good mood, and it rubbed off on Harry. He always felt better after spending time with the lads, and he was so grateful they were in his life. 

When Harry got back to his flat, the snow had fallen heavy all over the street. The snow drifts were huge, and everything was completely covered in white. The pavement was slippery where children had been skating, and he saw a few snowmen around in the gardens. It was almost dark out, but the snow illuminated the road. Harry looked down the street, pretty lights everywhere and smiling faces in the windows. Christmas trees and glowing Santa Claus’s on the roofs. The snow fell quietly, and softened every corner. There was something about this time of year. People seemed happier, more hopeful.

 

* * * * 

 

The next morning Harry was awakened by a loud buzzing. Harry was perplexed, his head was spinning. What was that noise?

Oh, right. The door.

No one ever buzzed his door. The only people who really visited him was the lads and his mum, and they all just walked in. ‘Buuuuuzzz,’ the door went again. “Just a second!” Harry shouted through the open bedroom door.

He quickly got out from under the warm covers, put on a pair of sweats, threw on a jumper, and went to open the door.

It buzzed again. “I’m coming, just a sec-“

Harry’s mouth snapped shut, and instantly stopped talking, because as he opened the door, he was met with a pair of eyes. A pair of sparkling blues he would recognize anywhere.

A pair of blues he definitely wasn’t expecting. Actually, it was the last person he would have expected to see at his doorstep, and he completely froze. His jaw dropped slightly. He just stared at the other, hand clutching the door.

“Harry?” he hesitated. “Um,” the guy looked a little nervous, and cast his eyes down to his shoes. Harry grabbed the door a little tighter, maybe to smack it in his face, maybe just to have something to hold on to. He wasn’t quite sure.

Louis.

It was Louis. It was his Louis, who had left, but now he was at Harry’s door, and Harry didn’t understand. Harry felt numb, and his tongue suddenly felt too large for his mouth.

“Harry, please,” Louis pushed at the door, which Harry almost had shut completely, without really meaning to. Louis had a pleading look on his face. “Please don’t, don’t close the door, Haz.” The nickname snapped Harry out of his haze. He blinked a few times to try and to clear his head, shook it a little. Louis? At Harry’s doorstep? Harry wasn’t sure he wasn’t just imagining things. It couldn’t be Louis, could it?

“I, um, I just wanted to see you.” Louis said quietly, but looked hopefully up at Harry, whose hand had turned white from holding so tightly on to the door. “I just, you know, I was in the neighborhood, and-” Harry finally snapped out of it. “The neighborhood?” Harry’s tone was a bit harsher than he had expected, but Harry couldn’t really control anything right now. “I thought you lived in New York now.”

Louis bit his lip, and looked down at his shoes again, blushing. “Um, yeah, I did, but not anymore. I just-,” Harry looked at Louis. He could tell Louis was miserable, that much was obvious. His eyes still had that pleading look. “Please, Harry, please, can I come in? I just. I really need to talk to you.”

“I. Well, I guess you can,” Harry opened the door fully, and held it open for Louis. He couldn’t comprehend how Louis could even be here. He couldn’t deal with this. He hadn’t seen or heard from Louis in two years. He had lost all hope that Louis would ever come back, and now. Here he was. In the middle of Harry’s living room.

“You look good,” Louis was looking at Harry from the middle of the room. He looked awkward, and it stung Harry’s heart a little, because this used to be Louis’ space too. “Um, thanks. You too,” because Louis really did look good. He always did. He was wearing dark jeans, a black t-shirt, a big fuzzy coat and a beanie. His cheeks were a little red from the cold.

After a few minutes of silence, Harry felt like he had to say something. They had just been staring at each other, not really knowing what to do with themselves. “Louis, I don’t-” Harry started, but Louis cut him off. “No, please, let me. You deserve an explanation.”

 

* * * *

 

Louis sat down on the couch. “Do you want something? Tea, coffee?” Harry asked. Getting a drink was routine, and routine was good when you were confused, Harry decided.

“Tea, thank you.” Louis still looked awkward, like the room was too big, and he was too small. He had taken off his coat, and put it on the back of the large chair. Harry had almost forgotten how small Louis really was. He fiddled with the corner of a blanket, but turned his head quickly, and smiled softly when Harry brought a cup for him. “Thanks, Harry.”

Harry sat down in the other end of the couch with his own cup, which had a reindeer on it. “Niall got you that?” Louis pointed to the cup, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah, he tries to keep the Christmas spirit going,” Harry blushed a little, and he thought it was stupid, because when had he ever blushed like that in front of Louis? “Ah, good lad, that one,” Louis chuckled lightly, but stopped quickly. Harry stirred in his cup, and tried to avoid Louis’ eyes.

“I’m sorry if this is weird,” Louis said after a while. “I’m probably interrupting all your plans, it’s Christmas soon, and you’ve probably got places to be, but I just. I don’t know. I just, I needed to see you. And to tell you” Louis sighed deeply, “that I’m sorry.”

Louis’ voice sounded so genuine and broken, and even though it was probably a bad idea, Harry couldn’t help but look at Louis’ face. It was the puppy-look, and Harry had never been good at dealing with that look.

When Louis pretended to be sad, or was a bit displeased, he frowned and pouted. But Harry knew this look. It had been how Louis had looked when his grandfather died and they buried him, and Louis helped carry the coffin, and when his parents had gotten the divorce, and his mum had been devastated, and there was nothing he could do to help. When he had to leave his sisters after not spending enough time with them, and watching his mum cry.

The look he wore when he thought no one was looking. Harry knew this look. It was utter and pure heartbreak, and he knew Louis never wanted anyone to see him like this. It pulled at Harry’s heartstrings, and he felt the urge to hug Louis until it all went away. But he didn’t.

“I’m so sorry, and I just need to explain, Harry, and I need you to not interrupt, because I want to say this properly. Alright?” He looked at Harry apologetically.

Harry slowly nodded his head. He had a lump in his throat, and the words were stuck in his throat, his cheeks stung. He took a sip of his cup, and let Louis continue.

“I know I screwed up.” Louis said with a heavy voice. “I screwed up everything, and I know it was all my fault, and I should never had done it the way I did. I broke everything we had, and I regret it so much,” he looked up at Harry, who still tried avoiding Louis’ eyes. He sighed and continued.

“When I got the opportunity to go to New York and live my big dream, I thought ‘This is it! This is my big shot.’” Louis’ eyes lit up a little, and Harry couldn’t help but feel that little fragment of pride stir in his chest. “And I just had to go with it. But I handled it all wrong.”

“I completely kept it all away from you. I never told you about it, I never let you in on my plans. When I got the call, I guess I just stopped thinking properly.” Louis’ eyes were heavy with guilt.

“I thought it was for the best, you know, to just leave,” Louis shrugged, “I thought it was the only way I could make this dream come true. I thought I had to do it alone, and I had to leave you. You were better off without me, because I was letting everything go, and I abandoned you, and you deserved so much better. It took me a very long time to realize all of this, and I arranged the flight back here as soon as all this became clear. Because I just needed to tell you everything. Even if you didn’t want to see me, I just needed to say it.” 

Louis looked straight into Harry’s eyes. “It was all my fault. I thought I had to leave the way I did, because if you had woken up and seen me leave, you would have understood. That’s the thing Harry, you wouldn’t have convinced me to stay. You would have let me go, even though it meant leaving you behind.” Louis’ eyes had gone a little glassy.

“The worst part is that I was such a coward. I was selfish. I only thought of how broken I would have been if I had to see your face when I said goodbye. I wouldn’t have been able to see you wave me off in the airport, and wish me good luck. I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving you behind, so I just took the easy way out. I ran, and I was scared, and I wouldn’t have been able to go if I saw you standing there, letting me go.” He had tears in his eyes now.

“That morning I cried the entire way to the airport in the taxi. I’d left you sleeping, and you’d had the most peaceful look on your face. You always looked so young in your sleep, innocent and free. And I knew I was doing something awful by just leaving a note, and not saying goodbye, but I just couldn’t. I’m so sorry, Harry.”

A tear was making its way down Louis cheek now. Harry didn’t know what to do. With his thoughts, his hands or that huge lump that was stuck in his throat. He tried swallowing, but it didn’t really work. Louis’ words weren’t really sinking in, Harry was still completely stunned by Louis’ sudden appearance.

“I don’t expect you to let me into your life again, Harry.” Louis put his cup on the table. “I just missed you so much, and I needed to see you.” Louis shook his head, while another tear ran down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away with his hand. Louis had never liked it when people saw him cry.

“I just hope that one day you will be able to forgive me,” he said, looking up at Harry with such a sad look, the puppy-look. “I’m not going back to New York There’s nothing for me there, if you’re not there with me,” and Harry didn’t know what to do.

Harry shook his head a little. He didn’t know what to say, or what to feel. “I uh, I’m just, really confused I guess,” Harry stammered slowly. “I’m not really sure what to do. I hadn’t expected you to, you know, show up.” Harry fiddled with his fingers. He didn’t know what to say, or how to react.

But underneath all the confusion and the hurt feelings, he was so pleased to see Louis again, to sense his presence, to feel his warmth. To see those blue eyes again.

But at the same time, he had spent such a long time trying to get over this guy. People had tried helping him. They’d been trying to point out Louis’ flaws, how he was always too spontaneous, too childish, too much of a joker. They’d been trying to make Harry see how selfish Louis had been, and reminded him of how Louis had just left without even saying goodbye. And never calling, or letting Harry know he was alive.

When Louis left, Harry had been angry at first. How could Louis leave him, how could he treat Harry like this, after everything they’d been through?

But after some time, the anger disappeared, and left misery in its wake. Harry hadn’t been able to see all those bad things. He knew Louis. He’d known why Louis had left, and he knew how happy Louis would be in New York, achieving his dreams.

And Harry had missed Louis with every fiber of his being, but he knew it was for the better. He missed their friendship, their jokes, missed all those small annoying things about Louis, missed his smelly feet and the mess he always left in the flat.

He missed them cuddling on the couch, watching stupid movies and holding hands. He missed kissing Louis’ lips, and feel his hands on his body. He missed waking up next to him. He missed everything about Louis.

And in the end Harry had settled for having a Louis-shaped hole in his heart, in his body, in the flat, in his life. He’d resigned to knowing Louis was happy, even if it wasn’t with Harry. He had acknowledged that Louis probably would never come back, because of course he was going to ‘make it’. Louis was talented, he was a star. Louis was happy in New York, and that somehow made it okay that he left. Louis’ happiness somehow made up for Harry’s misery, and people always told him he was an idiot when he pointed this out.

But now. Even after all this time, Harry still fucking loved Louis. After two years, after everything that had happened, he was so much in love. He knew Louis, knew his dreams, and knew it would have been cruel to keep him to himself.

It had taken a long time, but eventually Harry had forgiven Louis for leaving. He wanted Louis to be happy. That was the most important thing. Louis was his everything, and Harry would never have forgiven himself if he had been what was standing between Louis and his dream.

 

* * * *

 

They’d been sitting on the couch in silence for a while. Harry had closed his eyes and hidden his face in his hands. He was probably going to wake up any second, and it had all been a dream. Louis wasn’t really here, it was just something he was imagining.

But when he opened his eyes, Louis was still there, looking completely heartbroken. And it clicked in Harry’s mind. Louis was here with him now, and if Harry had anything to do with it, he wasn’t going anywhere. Harry had spent so long being sad, and now Louis was back, he was here with Harry. And Harry didn’t want to be without Louis, he didn’t want to let him go, he was going to fight for him.

He didn’t want to waste anymore time being sad or disappointed, he just wanted Louis back. “Louis,” Harry had finally gotten his voice back properly. He had made up his mind, he wanted Louis back. For good.

Louis looked a little confused at Harry’s sudden determination, and he also looked a little nervous.

Harry stood up, and Louis followed slowly. “I forgive you,” he said slowly.

“I guess I did a while ago, and it’s probably going to take some getting used to, but I know why you left, and I understand. You know you broke my heart, and I was devastated, and you never even called. But you’re still everything to me, despite of all of this shit, I want you to stay. For good.” Harry looked at Louis with a soft smile on his lips.

A soft sob of relief emitted from Louis, tears running down his cheeks now, and Harry suddenly realized that even though Louis had been in his flat for a while now, they still hadn’t touched. And he suddenly craved Louis’ touch like nothing else. He needed to feel the warmth he had been missing for two years, and he couldn’t wait another second.

Harry threw himself at Louis, who caught him easily and held on tight to Harry’s waist. They embraced tightly, and it was completely overwhelming. Louis’ smell, his soft skin, his strong grip. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so much Louis. You have no idea what’s it’s been like without you.” Louis looked up at Harry with wet crinkling eyes. “Well, actually I kinda do. And I know it sucks, and I’m so sorry.”

Harry put his hand on Louis’ cheek, the other on his neck, and crashed their lips together, and it was the best thing he’d felt in so long. He ran his fingers through Louis’ soft hair and pushed his head back. Louis instantly gave Harry access, and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. He let out a relieved sigh, and it went straight to the pit of Harry’s stomach. They were clinging to each other, and they just couldn’t get enough. It had been way too long, they were both desperate and were clutching each other like if they let go, the other would disappear.

Louis ran his hands up and down Harry’s sides, while Harry kissed down Louis chin, along his jaw and down his neck. Louis let out a small surprised moan, and pushed against Harry. They almost instantly found their old rhythm, and the awkwardness from before was completely forgotten.

Louis pushed Harry up again the wall, attaching their lips once again. Harry responded with a small moan of his own, and deepened the kiss even further. “Fuck Lou, please,” Harry was panting a little. “Please don’t stop.” He said with a breathy voice, when Louis had moved the kiss to behind Harry’s ear.

“Please, don’t ever leave me again,” Harry moved to look at Louis. “Would never dream of it, Haz.” Louis looked up at Harry, eyes bright and serious. “I would never do that, not again. I’m here to stay.” Harry kissed Louis then, less desperate, more relived. They melted together in a tight hug.

A small tear ran down Harry’s cheek, and Louis kissed it away. “I don’t function properly without you, Harry. I know I ruined everything, but I’m gonna try and make it better.” He kissed Harry’s cheek, and gave him a small smile.

“Alright.”

* * * *

It was December 24th. Louis’ birthday.

Louis had been back for almost three weeks now, and even though they still had many issues to figure out, things to talk about, and problems to work out, they’d both thoroughly enjoyed the other’s company.

They had spent the time catching up, and getting to know each other again. Louis had told stories about New York, about his plays and the appraise and critique he had received. He had actually made a name of himself in the local theatre scene, and even though he had loved getting to perform almost every night, he had never been completely happy without Harry.

He hadn’t really managed to make friends though. Partly because he was busy with work, partly because he had no interest in new people or making friends. Despite Louis’ attempts at forgetting him, Harry had been on his mind most of the time, and everything else seemed a little meaningless. Except for an old lady, who’d let him sleep on her couch the first months. She’d taken care of him, and she’d been so nice and supportive of his acting, and had come to every single one of his plays. 

After some time Louis’ had almost run out of money, and he’d been forced to get another job, and quit some of his theatre work. But when she heard about it, she’d prepared her son’s old bedroom for Louis, and demanded that he stayed with her. She’d said he should continue his theatre, and do housework as payment for both rent and food. She wasn’t about to let him waste everything he’d worked for, just because of something stupid as money. And Louis had been eternally grateful. He knew he didn’t deserve this kindness.

She’d also been the one who’d convinced him to go back in the end. She’d sat down with him at dinner one night, and told him straight up that she could see he wasn’t happy, she knew something was off, and that he should stop thinking about it, and just do something to make it better.

Then he’d told her about Harry, and how he had left him. First she cried, and then she’d slapped Louis on the back of his head, and told him that he was an idiot for leaving love like that behind. She said that Louis should get a grip, and attempt to get Harry back, because it was obvious Louis was still so much in love.

After that, there was no way he was staying in New York. He’d worked so hard not to think about Harry, but she’d seen straight through him, and made him realize how unhappy he was without Harry, and how much he missed him. And no career or dream was more important than Harry. He’d packed up the few things he owned the next day, given a tearful goodbye, and thanked her for everything. And then he’d gone to the airport, and gotten on the first plane to London.

 

* * * *

 

Harry hadn’t felt this good, or been this happy in a long time. Louis, who he’d missed with heart and soul for 2 years was back, and today was his birthday.

Louis was still sleeping. Harry had maybe spent a minute or two just looking at him, all soft and cuddled up under the covers. Harry still didn’t quite believe he was back, but he appreciated every single moment they got to spend together. And he knew Louis did too, even though he still wasn’t quite back to his old self. Harry knew how bad Louis felt about everything, about leaving Harry and everyone else behind, and about himself.

He was also nervous about seeing the lads again, he’d told Harry when they’d cuddled up on the couch under a blanket and watched movies one night. Louis wanted to apologize to them as well, and he was scared they were going to reject him.

They’d invited them all over for Christmas dinner, Harry would cook, and Louis would talk to them. “I’m sure they’re going to forgive you, Lou. They’ve missed you too, even Zayn, and he has been pretty mad.” Harry had tried comforting him, but it hadn’t really worked. “They’ve got every reason to be mad. I just hope they’ll stop hating me at some point.” Louis had looked so sad.

So Harry decided he wanted to do something nice for Louis today, maybe it would cheer him up a little, and besides, it was his birthday! Harry got up, put on a pair of sweatpants, and made breakfast. He made some of Louis’ favourites, and brought it into the bedroom. Louis was still sleeping, so Harry sang a little birthday song until he woke up.

“Happy birthday, love,” Harry said with a dimpled smile on his face, when Louis finally opened his eyes. “Aw, you shouldn’t have,” he said shyly, but a bright smile soon filled up his entire face. They ate breakfast in bed, while Harry talked about all the snow he’d seen, all the Christmas cookies they had to make, and how much food they were going to eat tomorrow. 

“I love you, Harry,” Louis interrupted after a while. Harry froze for a second, with food halfway in his mouth, and looked at Louis. It was the first time any of them had said it since Louis came back, and was almost strange hearing it again. But Louis looked soft and cute, and he had such an sincere look in his eyes. Harry smiled, and leaned over to kiss him. “I love you too, Louis.” Louis looked a little relieved, and smiled right back at Harry, who had abandoned the food.

“Can’t we just stay here forever,” Louis sighed after a few minutes of kissing and cuddling on the bed. Harry giggled, and kissed Louis’ nose. “Now that you mention it,” he said and got up from the bed.

“What are you doing?” Louis looked confused. “I’m just getting your present,’” and went to get it in the living room.

When Harry returned Louis was sitting on the bed, bouncing with excitement. Harry just laughed at him because wasn’t Louis supposed to be the older one of them? Harry gave him another kiss, just because he could, and gave Louis the present. It was soft and bundled up, and Louis had no idea what it was. “Open it,” Harry said, and watched Louis’ face as he unwrapped the paper.

“A blanket?” Louis smiled a little puzzled as the present was revealed, but Harry just smiled hugely and got a second blanket out from under the bed. One was pink, and the one Louis was holding was blue. “His and hers blankets!” Harry smiled brightly, “I know it’s silly, but I just saw them the other day, and I thought of us, and-” he trailed off, but Louis interrupted.

“Harry, that’s just adorable,” and attacked Harry with kisses and tickles. “Ah! Stop it, stop eeeet!” Harry wheezed, but Louis was merciless, and just kept tickling in all the really bad places, until Harry’s stomach was aching with laughter.

Finally Louis let him go with a kiss on the jaw, and looked at him with a cute smile. They bounced back on the bed, and cuddled up to each other. Louis put his head on Harry’s chest, while Harry stroked his hair. “They are really cute, though,” he said, and gave Harry a tight hug.

“I just got them because maybe they could help make it our space, you know, so it’s more like our flat, and not just mine,” Harry explained, and Louis looked up at him with a contend look. “Thanks,” he blushed a little, but still looked pleased. “That’s really nice.”

“You’re really amazing, you know that? Just letting me into your life again like this, not many people would do that.” He gave Harry a kiss, and they spent the rest of the day in bed, watching movies and just doing whatever they wanted.

 

* * * *

 

The lads were about to arrive, and Harry was standing in the kitchen, putting the last touch on Christmas dinner. He wanted it to be great and marvellous and delicious, and Louis had helped him set the table, and everything was looking good. Louis looked amazing as always, but he also looked concerned and nervous, which was so unusual for him. “Hey, it’s going to be alright, okay?” Harry gave his shoulders a light squeeze and a chaste kiss to his cheek, and went back to the kitchen. He knew nothing would really help until Louis’d had a chance to talk to the lads.

Harry had told the boys about Louis’ return, and they’d all been extremely surprised. And when Harry told them how happy he was about the whole thing, and how well they got along again, they’d mostly been happy for them. Niall had been completely alright with it, as soon as he heard Harry had forgiven Louis.

Liam had been slightly more reserved, but was mostly okay with it, because Harry was happy. “As long as he realizes what he did to you.”

Zayn had been quiet for most of the conversation, only adding “We need to talk to him first, alright?” sharply in the end. The other lads had looked at him quizzically, but Liam had promised to try and thaw Zayn up a bit before dinner.

When they heard the lads on the stairs, Louis went to greet them. Harry suddenly felt as nervous as Louis had looked, but he tried pushing his concerns away. They were his friends, and used to be Louis’ as well, they wouldn’t be mean about it. They let themselves in, and when they spotted Louis, they all had different reactions. Niall jumped up and down, and ran towards Louis while yelling, “I’ve missed you, motherfucker! How could you even do that, not even calling? What the fuck was that about. You’re fucking stupid,” but gave him a hug, which Louis reciprocated immediately.

“I’m sorry Niall, I just.” He took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry about the whole thing,” he let go of Niall, and turned towards Liam and Zayn as well. “I’m sorry I let you all down, I’m sorry I hurt you. It wasn’t my intention, but there really is no excuse. I’m just. Really fucking sorry.”

Liam seemed to think this was good enough, and went to give Louis a hug. “It’s good to see you again, mate.” Louis hugged back, held on a little tighter and closed his eyes. “I’ve missed you guys so much.” His voice was a little shaky, but it didn’t matter. “It’s alright, we’ll figure it out,” Liam said with a good-natured smile, and patted Louis on the back. 

Zayn was still standing in the same spot, and looked at the others. “I haven’t made my decision yet. We’ll see,” he said blankly, and went to greet Harry in the kitchen.

“It’s the best I could’ve expected, wasn’t it? He really hates me,” Louis said downcast. “He doesn’t hate you. But you know how he is with loyalty and friendship. He doesn’t trust people that easily, and maybe you’ve got to build up that trust again. I’m sorry.” Liam explained, and Louis understood. He’d figured Zayn would be the worst, and he really hoped that he would eventually forgive him.

“Dinner’s on the table!” Harry announced, and asked people to take their seats. It all looked glorious, and Harry was happy to have all his friends gathered for Christmas. These four boys were the people who meant the most to him, and they were finally all together again. Louis smiled at him from across the table, and mouthed ‘this is amazing’.

They all chatted, laughed, cracked jokes and pulled party-poppers. Harry had finally found some of his Christmas spirit, and had spent a few hours before dinner decorating the flat with Louis. They had lights, stars, a Santa Claus, and a mistletoe. The snow was drizzling down outside, and he felt good and warm.

When they’d finished the first course, they all helped clearing the table, and setting it for the next. Louis walked up next to Harry, sent him the sweetest smile, bumped his hip and grabbed the pile of plates Harry had been carrying. Harry felt warm and fuzzy, because that was his Louis, who was back, and who loved Harry, and helped him with the dishes on Christmas.

After dinner, Zayn pulled Harry away from the others. Harry got a little nervous, because Zayn usually just said him whatever he wanted to say, and spoke his mind, even when the other lads were around. “Harry, I just, um, I wanted to let you know, that even though I was quite sceptical at first about Louis’ return, I get it now.” His eyes were serious, but gentle.

“Seeing how you act around each other, seeing the same old intimacy you used to have, and see how much you both love each other, it makes it okay somehow.” Harry really hadn’t expected Zayn to be okay with everything.

“I guess I’ve been keeping an eye on him tonight, to you know, make sure he was treating you good enough, and the thing is, that he still has that look in his eyes whenever he looks at you. Like before. It’s special, and I guess I’m just really happy to see you smile properly again.” Zayn was never this upfront about his actual emotions, and Harry was touched by the fact that Zayn took care of him. “Thanks, man. It means a lot, you know.” Harry smiled, and gave Zayn’s shoulder a light squeeze.

“I guess if you can forgive him, then so can I,” Zayn shrugged, smiled at Harry, and walked back to the table.

 

* * * *

 

When the lads had left that evening, Harry was completely wrecked. He had worked hard on the dinner, and he’d been so nervous about what they were going to say to Louis. But looking in hindsight, he’d known it would be alright. Even if they’d been mad, they would have come around eventually. They were his friends, and they wanted what was best for him.

And Harry knew Louis was what was best. Zayn had even said so, and he’d been the most doubtful about Louis’ return out of all of them. They’d all parted with smiles and Merry Christmas’es, and they’d shared a massive group hug. Niall even swore he’d seen Louis shed a very small tear.

Harry threw himself on the couch and stretched his long limbs. Louis was clearing the last few things from the table, and Harry felt gentle butterflies in his stomach flutter at the sight. “It went alright tonight, didn’t it?” Harry said with a content smile.

Louis put the dishes in the sink, walked over and snuggled up to Harry. “Yeah, I guess it did,” he smiled softly, and stroked Harry’s hair. “It was really nice to see them all, even though it was a bit awkward to begin with. But I’m so happy they weren’t too angry with me.”

“Well, they’ve had time to adjust I guess. Plus, they still loved you, even when they were mad. And I guess I did too,” Harry looked at Louis with an honest smile. Louis’ eyes had gone a little glassy, and his voice was a little shaky again. “You’re all too good to me, I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t think like that, love. You’re back now, and that’s all that matters,” Harry said, and kissed the frown away from Louis’ face, ending with a small kiss at the corner of Louis’ mouth. “The boys love you. I love you, and it’s Christmas!” Harry sprung up from the couch, his energy had finally returned, and it was time to have some fun.

“C’mon Louis, it’ll be great!” Harry was nearly bouncing with excitement, and it was ridiculously endearing. There was no way Louis could say no to that face.

So they both bundled up in coats, boots and scarves, and set out into the dark and soft winter night. “C’mon lazybones, let’s have a proper snow fight!” Louis said enthusiastically and ran a few feet ahead of Harry.

“It was your idea to go out here, and now you have to face the consequences,” his eyes were bright, and Harry was completely smitten. Until a snow ball hit him on his right cheek.

“Hey! I wasn’t ready,” he pouted, but gathered a handful of snow at the same time. “You’re never going to hit me, you’ll never catch me!” Louis shrieked while running down the street, looking like a proper loon. “Oh yeah? Try me!” Harry ran after him, and finally caught up with him when they rounded the corner of the park.

Harry threw the snow at Louis, but mostly missed. Louis exploded with laughter, and rolled around in the drifts. When Harry wasn’t looking, Louis toppled Harry over in the snow, and put his cold hands under his shirt, and tickled him, while put snow on Harry’s smooth and warm skin.

“No, no, nooo! Too cold, stop, please!” he yelped and laughed, and tried removing Louis’ cold hands from his skin.

“Alright, I’ll let you go, but then you have to give me a piggyback ride back home,” Louis demanded, with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked like a 5 year old, and Harry couldn’t resist him anything, even if he wanted to.

“Okay, deal,” Harry sighed, and rolled over in the snow. Louis plopped down next to him.

“Let’s see who can make the prettiest snow angel,” Louis suggested, and moved his arms and legs up and down in the snow. Harry did the same, only a bit slower. “I think I’ve won,” Louis declared after a few minutes with a proud look on his face.

“But, don’t they look exactly the same?” Harry argued, but Louis just got up on his knees, crawled over his angel’s wings, put his hands on Harry’s cheeks and gave him a sweet kiss.

“This can be your consolation prize,” he said sweetly and deepened the kiss, with slightly clattering teeth. “You’re cute when you’re cold,” Harry said, and pulled Louis down next to him. They snuggled up into each other for warmth, and looked up at the beautiful December sky. It was snowing in light and fluffy flakes, and soon a thin layer of snow was covering them.

“I’m getting a little sleepy,” Louis said after some time. He looked so sweet and soft, but also quite cold. “Let’s go home then,” Harry said, pulled Louis’ on to his feet and helped Louis brush the snow off of their clothes.

Louis took Harry’s hand when they walked towards the exit of the park, and they both admired the beautiful setting. Everything was quiet, it was Christmas, and it was so pretty. Harry could fully appreciate the snow and the lights with Louis by his side, and he knew Louis felt the same.

Even though New York had been gorgeous at Christmas, it just wasn’t the same when you didn’t have anyone to share it with.

“Piggyback, you promised,” Louis said with a small pout, and Harry rolled his eyes, but crouched down none the less, and let Louis climb on his back. “Thanks love,” he said, and stretched his neck to kiss Harry’s cheek. Luckily it wasn’t too far, and Louis wasn’t too heavy, so Harry carried him all the way home.

Louis had drowsed off a little with his chin against Harry’s neck, his breath calm and his arm slack across Harry’s shoulder. “We’re home love,” Harry said softly, and Louis mumbled “Don’t wanna get up,” as Harry put him on the stairs to their flat.

“We’re going to bed as soon as we’re through the door.”

“Alright, we can do that,” he said drowsily, while Harry pulled him by his hand up the stairs.

They helped each other get rid of the cold and wet clothes, and once it all had been discarded on the floor, and they’d stripped to only boxers, they climbed into bed. Harry cuddled up to Louis, and put his head on his chest, while Louis put his arm around Harry.

“Goodnight, Louis,”

“‘Night Harry.”


End file.
